Ellington

Welcome to the last week of school. You’ve almost made it through the fiber-rich bowels of higher education. I hope you’re excited to experience an intimate and brief commencement ceremony at Husky Stadium with about 40,000 other UW family members and friends.

College is a great time for young adults to learn about themselves. It’s a place of diversity and acceptance, where one can feel safe to ask the question: How many shots can I take before I black out?

Many say that college is the best time of one’s life and that everything that follows goes downhill. This is absolutely true. Anyone who tells you different is either lying or went to community college.

The precious value of college is more evident than ever, as state budget cuts continue to desecrate the UW brand. Like an Apple product or concert tickets, higher tuition rates help inform prospective students that they are going to have a lot of fun here.

Sadly, some person in a suit threw out the arbitrary number of four to five years and said that the fun had to end.

Feeling grief about the end of college is perfectly natural. Don’t worry, my friend. I’m here to guide you through the five stages that many alumni go through.

1. Denial

“Do I really have to graduate? Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life?” Students around the world have pondered the question since the first universities were established in ancient Greece.

According to the first step of the Kübler-Ross model of grief, denial is a refusal to accept facts and reality.

Think back to the comfy nest of your alma mater, when you could shake the money trees of your student loans, parents and scholarships without anyone asking where your money is really going.

College taught you that independence is spelled with dependence. And regardless of old realities, new expectations and silly words such as maturity and responsibility, many graduates will deny the end of their academic careers by continuing sustainable traditions such as wild nights of liver abuse and mooching off of others.

2. Anger

“Son of a female dawg.”

Fellow Husky, you have every right to be upset.

College is over, and having a job sucks. Apparently it’s good etiquette to show up to work on Fridays.

“But I never went to school on Fridays, why change a good thing?” you ask. That’s a great question!

Doing work on Fridays doesn’t make sense. I’ve had Fridays off since my first day of college. And even if I was enrolled in a Friday class, I always made a diligent effort not to go.

To cope, either punch a ball of clay, like Mr. Rogers did, or move to France, where workers go on strike more times than The Daily publishes stories about budget cuts and ASUW.

3. Bargaining

“Filibuster.”

“Starting a career” is overrated. It’s something that old people do. In this third step of grief, you’ll contemplate Robert Frost’s poem about taking the road of least resistance, and do something really unique like take the year off to travel. Sure, you’ll accumulate massive amounts of debt. But hey, you can’t put a price on experience.

Or stay in school. Everybody’s doing it. Wait out the recession until the market is better. On top of that, “super senior” has a nice ring to it.

4. Depression

“Sleeping on a futon.”

Ah… $1 slices of pizza from Earl’s. That party last night was awfully crazy. That girl…

“Wake up!”

“Is that you, Mom? What are you doing here?”

“This is my house.”

If you wake up in your parents’ house, you may experience a feeling of sadness and regret, fear and uncertainty. Depression is a natural process that shows that you are beginning to accept reality. One indicator of depression: crying and eating pints of Häagen-Dazs while watching reruns of Lost and The Office.

5. Acceptance

“Que Será Será.”

See denial.

Reach columnist Kevin Wong at opinion@dailyuw.com.