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Go green, literally: Don’t clean the fountain

What’s wrong with everyone? Every week I hear and read about people complaining about how dirty and nasty Drumheller Fountain has become. Basically, these people are sick of the fountain.

Well, I’m sick of these crybabies.

Drumheller has been, and still is, a beautiful landmark of our school. On a cloudless, sunny day, I feel like I’m looking at a postcard or a painting.

But nothing compares to being up close to the fountain. Whether just walking by or sitting at its edge, the fountain is a great site to behold. The magnificent spray seemingly defies gravity and splashes downward with the peaceful sound of a waterfall.

With a light breeze, the wind blows a refreshing mist into the faces of passersby. Sometimes, I like to open my mouth to catch a revitalizing refreshment on my tongue. It’s just like catching snowflakes, but it tastes even better.

So what if the fountain is a little dirty and smells? Big deal. Ducks poo in the water. Is it supposed to smell good? Do you poop in a toilet and expect the water to stay blue? I hope not. If ducks were doing their business and the water was crystal clear, then I’d be a bit worried. And just because the ducks swim in the pond doesn’t mean we have to swim in it, too.

The way I see it, the ducks use the pond far more than we do. They aren’t complaining about anything, so I say we definitely don’t need to worry about it. We can worry about health hazards when duck carcasses start floating in the pond.

That being said, health hazards from the fountain should be the least of our worries. Did anyone ever notice that the chemistry building is right next door? For anyone that’s ever taken a chemistry class, you know what I mean. Where do you really think they dump all the lab waste? Of course the fountain’s going to be a little off color.

I’m pretty sure that if the fountain ever became dangerous, the chemists who reside in Bagley could conjure up some sort of concoction to dump in the water to kill the radiation, or whatever else people are worried about. We have our backs covered.

But people just insist on crying about Drumheller Fountain. It’s gotten so bad that UW Facilities Services had to get a permit from the city to drain the fountain and pay for city water for the cleaning operation. Basically, we’re flushing a 1-million gallon toilet. The school has much better things to pay for with our tuition money, such as a brand-new football stadium and our school president’s salary.

Besides, fountain’s green tint is great for the environment. Going green is the hot trend these days. So let’s all save the environment from global warming and keep the fountain the way it is.

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