Dear readers,

Your classes are over, but finals are near,

So set yourself down right there on your rear,

Study till pale,

Lest you should fail,

And only when done start imbibing your beer.

Aries March 21 ­— April 19

When Virgo says something dirty to you today, Aries, make sure the words aren’t quoted from a man who won the Nobel Prize in literature before you slap Virgo in the face.

Taurus April 20 — May 20

Just as for the Maffei galaxies, gas will get in the way of people seeing you as you want to be seen. In your case though, Taurus, there’s Beano for that.

Gemini May 21 — June 21

When did “Only you can prevent forest fires” become “Only you can prevent wildfires”? Even the oldest ad campaign in Ad Council history (introduced in 1944) someday has to perish.

Cancer June 22 — July 22

During spring break, Cancer, think about the money you spend in relation to what is necessary for your peace of mind. Know this: People who won the lottery were just as depressed as the average person when a study looked at their lives five years later.

Leo July 23 — Aug. 22

For once, Leo, pull an all-nighter studying instead of drinking.

Virgo Aug. 23 — Sept. 22

Quote Pablo Neruda today to the person you like most, Virgo, “I want to do to you what spring does with the cherry trees.”

Libra Sept. 23 — Oct. 23

Star cluster M44 wants you to know, Libra, that with flowers come pollinators; be kind to bees. Then again, M44 has a hidden agenda.

Scorpio Oct. 24 — Nov. 21

Take the sarcasm out of the comments you are saying about Capricorn, Scorpio. Be nice.

Sagittarius Nov. 22 — Dec. 21

Carl Sagan said, “The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition.” Unless you believe the universe actually does revolve around you, this is a humbling notion one would be wise not to forget.

Capricorn Dec. 22 — Jan. 19

Know today, Capricorn, that good things are being said about you.

Aquarius Jan. 20 — Feb. 18

Carpe omnia, Aquarius, and don’t let people get in the way.

Pisces Feb. 19 — March 20

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education,” said Mark Twain. And who are you to question his judgment? Perhaps you should drop out, Pisces. Oh, and happy birthday from Maffei 1, the closest giant elliptical galaxy to Earth.

Reach diviner John McLellan at starbredfate@dailyuw.com.