Dear readers,

This week, the stars shine upon us with great mercy. Rejoice.

Aries

March 21 - April 19

Today, you will walk into a room, Aries, and forget the reason for which you went there. This sort of thing only happens to you.

Taurus April 20–May 20

2010 has such a better ring to it than 2009, don’t you think, Taurus? This would surely be a most auspicious sign were the date not a human construct that has no bearing on the stars’ outlook.

Gemini May 21–June 21

Make the following without asking questions: Take two slices of bread, and between them, sandwich ham, ketchup, cheddar cheese and pickles. Trust the stars on this one.

Cancer June 22–July 22

Don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong when you tell them Avatar was the best film ever made. The stars agree and await your arrival on Pandora.

Leo July 23—Aug. 22

Time to roll the dice, Leo. You wait and wait, but the opportune time does not come, and it won’t. There isn’t an ideal time, just a better-than-most-other-times time. For example, wait a few days to let them grieve their loss before putting the moves on.

Virgo Aug. 23–Sept. 22

Choo-choo! Here comes the little engine that could. Repeat to yourself: “I think I can, I think I can,” just like that little train, and you can do anything. Either that, or reality will weigh upon you, and moralistic children’s tales will cease to inspire. Your choice!

Libra Sept. 23–Oct. 23

Your next week’s fortune is inextricably tied to the performance of the men’s basketball team this coming weekend against rival WSU. Hope they win.

Scorpio Oct. 24–Nov. 21

Your body is slaughtering millions of microscopic organisms each day. Millions.

Sagittarius Nov. 22–Dec. 21

Oscar Wilde once said, “No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.” This may not come as a relief, as the opposite is not necessarily true.

Capricorn Dec. 22–Jan. 19

When the moon is too far from the Earth to create a total eclipse, it creates a phenomenon known as a “ring of fire,” during which the sun can be seen as a super bright disc surrounding the moon. Bet you didn’t know that, Capricorn, but now you do.

Aquarius Jan. 20–Feb. 18

Tragedy blooms in the hearts of those who allow it. Buck up, Aquarius. Kick back and take some time to just be content with what you have, and you’ll realize your problems aren’t so big at all.

Pisces Feb. 19–March 20

As you fail a midterm, Pisces, just try to imagine that the class is actually curved (it isn’t) and everyone else also failed (they won’t).

Reach diviner John McLellan at starbredfate@dailyuw.com.