Talking to potential partners about having sex can strengthen relationships and make physical intimacy more enjoyable, but it’s not always easy.

Fear of rejection is one of the main reasons people avoid talking to their partner about having sex. Telling your partner how you feel about intimacy and asking about his or her preferences is one step toward talking about having sex.

Senior Yogesh Saletore said he talks to his partner to learn more about her views.

“I usually find reasons why [she doesn’t want to have sex] to know where [she’s] coming from.” Saletore said. “But in the end, if one person doesn’t want to have it, then it’s not going to happen.”

Others don’t have a sex talk with their partners because they say sex doesn’t needs to be discussed.

“It just happens,” freshman Yong Cho said. “It’s spontaneous.”

UW student Ambar Choudhury said that though talking about having sex isn’t necessary for him, he is willing to talk to his partner if she wants to.

“I want it to be based on feel, and not statements,” Choudhury said. “If someone feels ready, then why not?”

UW Health Promotion Department Director Mark Shaw said not talking to your partner about sex can be risky.

“Spontaneity is overrated because then you may not have a chance to talk about protection,” Shaw said. “Things happen that spontaneously can be fun, but they can also be disastrous.”

Melissa Tumas, sexual assault and relationship violence specialist who works for the Sexual Assault and Relationship Information Service (SARIS), said while communication doesn’t necessarily prevent relationship violence and sexual assault, it can help.

“Before you get to a point of sexual assault, that’s where communication is most effective,” Tumas said. “It’s about knowing your sexual desires and limits and communicating them, and respecting someone else’s desires and limits and stopping when they’re uncomfortable.”

For some people, not being able to talk about sex could be a sign they aren’t ready for that step in a relationship.

“If you’re not comfortable enough to talk about it, then you may not be comfortable enough to have sex,” said University Health Education Leadership Program (UHELP) Manager Sharon Aliza. “Maybe it’s not the right time or the right person.”

The right time to talk about sex and the right time to have sex may also differ for each person.

“It depends on who you are and how comfortable you are with [talking about sex],” said freshman Pratyusha Muthineni. “It’s okay to say ‘no.’”

In a survey of 3,000 UW students conducted by Hall Health Center in 2001, 55 percent of responding students were sexually active; the survey showed that students thought 96 percent of the entire UW student body was sexually active.

Kate Engeln, a UHELP peer educator, said it’s good to talk “when emotion doesn’t overpower rationality.”

Drugs and alcohol can also affect sexual decision-making. In Washington, a person is legally incapable of giving sexual consent when he or she is intoxicated by any number of substances, including alcohol.

“Even if someone does say ‘yes,’ even if he or she is under the influence, that’s not consent,” Shaw said. “Consent needs to be sober consent.”

Jordan Leggett said she would talk about how much protection she and her partner might use and what options they have “if something goes wrong.”

Talking about STIs and STDs is also important. Shaw said talking about your sexual history is not just a courtesy, it’s a necessity.

Leggett said she would ask her partner what she wants from sex and what they could do if either of them gets uncomfortable.

“I’d take precautions,” she said. “I’d be so pissed if she didn’t let me know [that she had an STD] beforehand.”

Some may think talking about STIs and STDs could send their partners running. But not all relationships are just about having sex.

Aliza suggested talking to your partner about both sexual and emotional intimacy.

“If [the STI] was temporary, then I’d wait until it went away [to start having sex],” Saletore said.

While Cho said he wouldn’t have sex with his partner if he learned she had an STI or an STD, he wouldn’t end the relationship.

“I would keep in contact with her,” he said. “I value relationships more than sex.”