Montreal — According to metro.co.uk, researchers at the University of Montreal have determined that “porn virgins” do not exist among men in their 20s.

Their initial study to determine the differences in attitude between men who did and did not watch porn failed when researchers were unable to find any men in their target age range who had never consumed pornographic materials.

The conclusion was that 90 percent of the pornography the men watched came from the Internet, while the remainder came from video stores. Additionally, the average single man in his 20s watches 40 minutes three times a week, seldomly with a partner.

The study concluded that porn has no negative effect on men’s sexuality, the conventionality of their sexual practices, or their perception of women. However, with no control test group, it is impossible to attain a conclusive answer.

Atlanta — A man dressed as an elf was arrested for making a bomb threat at the Southlake Mall in Atlanta, Ga., according to metro.co.uk.

The 45-year-old William C. Caldwell III, though dressed as an elf, was not employed by the mall or the Santa Photo Booth where he sought a photograph with the jolly man in a red suit.

Once it was his turn to be photographed with Father Christmas, he allegedly told Santa that he was carrying dynamite in his bag. Mall security was called immediately, and the building was evacuated. Caldwell was arrested; no explosives were found on him or the premises.

Caldwell is being held in jail on charges of making terrorist threats and possessing hoax devices.

Durham, England — Residents of the northern village Sacriston are displeased with what could be the ugliest Christmas tree in the U.K., according to metro.co.uk.

The 4-foot tree is being called “a disgrace,” “weedy,” “an insult” and “a bush” since its recent installment. With its actively growing top removed, villagers voiced concerns that the tree will never become full size or a decent shape.

Adding to the disappointment of this Christmas sight are the tree’s actual decorations: Rather than hanging lights or ornaments from the misshapen tree’s stubby branches, a shoddy frame in the form of a three-sided pyramid has been wrapped in lights and positioned to stand off-center over the vegetative bit of cheer.

Though the loud rejection of the parish council’s holiday gift to the town remains most prevalent and comes from both civilians and a former council member, there are some supporting the deformed tree’s existence.

“The tree will grow and will be there for many years to come. Many villagers are enthusiastic about it,” parish councilor Allan Turner told The Metro. There was, however, no confirmation of those in support of or harboring enthusiasm for the tree.

Methuen, Mass. — A woman recently separated from her husband and facing hour cutbacks at her job has been blessed with the image of Jesus Christ on her iron, according to metro.co.uk.

Mary Jo Coady, 44, made the discovery in her daughter’s room. Including her two college-age daughters, the Catholic family agrees that the image resembles Christ and is proof that “he’s listening.”

The iron will reside in a closet, and Coady has plans to buy another iron for household chores.

Reach columnist Matthew Jackson at news@dailyuw.com.