He sits in front of you in lecture, accompanies you on your elevator ride, makes himself cozy in the study room you’re in — an ubiquitous presence on campus. And wherever he goes, you can be sure that he will make his presence known. You have learned to associate him as “that guy.”

And that brings me to my very mission: I am writing this with the sole purpose of helping you identify this nuisance in your everyday life — as well as provide you with some simple measures to avoid becoming “that guy,” and to stop if you happen to be “that guy.” Here’s your chance.

Don’t be that guy who:

• insists on taking an elevator from the second floor to the first floor, thus making the already seemingly endless trip to your room that much more dreadful.

• spills his guts into a jazzy rendition of “Chopsticks” on the dorm lobby piano, unaware of the fact that 10 people before him have done the same ­— and better.

• uses the bathroom sink to dispose of his substantial dinner contents (i.e., beef ravioli) — which, believe it or not, will not fit through the tiny drainage holes in the sink.

• has, at some point, Facebook-status updated something vaguely resembling “Thirsty Thursday.”

• for one reason or another, feels the need to leave his keypad tones on and furiously text message in the library.

• promptly raises his hand in lecture to ask a question which is, well, not much of a question at all for that matter and is instead a mere recapping of what the professor has just explained, as if to ask for praise or a moment in the spotlight.

• uses his time on the john to scribble angry messages on the stall, for the sake of blackmailing his ex-girlfriend (complete with digits and optional Web site URL), reminding us what genitalia look like and the functions they serve, and enlightening us with highly philosophical or political ramblings.

• thinks he is making a clever observation by pointing out that the world’s largest book in Suzzalo Library has changed pages since yesterday.

• makes his iTunes library — containing Miley Cyrus’ entire discography — public.

• TPs the campus. Note: By TPing the tree outside of your math professor’s class, you’re giving the custodial staff something to clean up, not your professor.

• either forgets to plug in his headphones or plugs them into the alternative port in his laptop and mistakenly blasts “Birthday Sex” for all of the study room to enjoy, thinking that the sound is actually coming from his headphones.

• intends to study alone and occupies a table suited for four, forcing the entering group of four to scatter or find another spot altogether.

• pounds on a door that is locked at all hours of the day, fully expecting someone to get up and open it for him. The age-old saying “Take the path less traveled by” only exists in the figurative sense.

• fails to acknowledge the possibility of his clock not matching up with his professor’s and submitting his paper in at “12:01.” Late.

• submits Texts From Last Night while in class.

• makes this the only article he reads in The Daily because it is bulleted.

Reach columnist Colin Gorenstein at opinion@dailyuw.com.