1. Donald Trump,

The Apprentice:

Because if things go downhill, as they inevitably will, WSU can pull a USFL and blame the Trumpster when the program folds.

2. Any of the Biggest Losers, The Biggest Loser:

Because they’re bigger than anybody on WSU’s offensive line.

3. Richard Hatch,

season one of Survivor: Because the naked truth is that WSU is terrible.

4. Paula Abdul,

American Idol:

She does enough drugs to play there.

5. Simon Cowell,

American Idol:

He kind of looks like Paul Wulff.

6. Jo Frost,

the Supernanny:

Because she’s tougher than anyone who plays for the Cougars.

7. Snoop Dogg,

Father Hood:

He’s probably more athletic than any of WSU’s receivers.

8. Tila Tequila,

A Shot at Love:

Her name is tequila. She’d fit right in at WSU.

9. Big,

Rob and Big:

He’d probably shore up that defensive line.

10. Glenn Beck:

OK, he’s not on a reality show, but his opinions are the political version of Paul Wulff’s game plan: crazy and terrible.

Reach all Daily sports reporters at sports@dailyuw.com.