1. Pittsburgh kicker Jeff Reed was cited for public intoxication on Sunday. What do you think he said to the cops upon arrest?

Christian: “Do you know who I am?! No? Oh, OK.”

Maks: “Im lik so fadid righ now.”

Allen: Since I didn’t know who Jeff Reed was before this question, I can only imagine the cops didn’t, either. Jeff Reed probably tried, unsuccessfully, to persuade them that he plays in the NFL for the Steelers – but he is a kicker, so he is not really an NFL player.

Jacob: I think Reed came up with, “Huffuh wzzrbbjt you can’t blazzsillz me!” Reporters commented that it was the most articulate they had heard him since college.

2. The Sounders play Dallas at 7:30 on Saturday night. What will you be doing instead of watching?

Christian: Probably still adding up Oregon’s rushing total after they play the Huskies.

Maks: I’ll probably still be sifting through all the hate mail I received after writing that editorial on the Sounders last week – with a box of tissues in hand, of course.

Allen: Replaying the Huskies’ loss to Oregon in my mind until my brain begins to throb with pain. Then I’ll probably do some homework and study for an upcoming test. Maybe sleep early. You know, anything but watch the Sounders.

Jacob: I’d love to say, “Studying for my midterms.” Really, I would. But, let’s be honest. I’ll be on dawgman.com, reminding myself that no matter how popular a professional sport may be, it’s still second to intramural collegiate curling in my book.

3. The WNBA’s Detroit Shock is reportedly moving to Tulsa. Which professional team will the state of Oklahoma steal next?

Christian: The Sounders. Though it’s unknown how scarves would go over in that Oklahoma heat.

Maks: The Tampa Bay Lightning.

Allen: Oklahoma seems to have a fondness for basketball. I hear the Sacramento Kings are looking for a new owner.

Jacob: The Seattle Sounders will leave for the obviously greener pastures of Oklahoma, but we will get an NHL team. Former Sounders fans will deride fans of the new team, saying that it was hockey fans who caused the Sounders to leave. Clay Bennett will be heard to say, “Oklahoma needs a hockey team.”

4. Pini Gershon, head coach of the Maccabi Tel Aviv basketball team, refused to leave the court after being ejected from an exhibition game against the Knicks. What do you think was said to finally convince him to leave?

Christian: “Get off the floor, or we’ll call LeGarrette Blount to come remove you.”

Maks: “Umm … you do realize that was an offensive foul on Al Harrington, right?”

Allen: I really hope he was making a stand against the NBA for allowing Clay Bennett to move the Sonics to Oklahoma City and was told that Seattle would get a new team if he leaves the court. I can hope, right?

Jacob: I think owner James Dolan walked down to the sideline and offered him the Knicks job. Gershon was seen on the first flight to Israel later that night.

Reach all Daily sports reporters at sports@dailyuw.com.