Discussing the dismal state of sports in Seattle seems to be all the rage, and how could it not be? The Sonics are no more. The Mariners are beyond awful. The Huskies are without a single win. The Seahawks are in a slump. The Storm was eliminated from the playoffs.

Perhaps the most telling of all catastrophes: The Storm is mentioned because there was little else to get excited about this week.

To make matters worse, Seattle Times columnist Jerry Brewer has already made a claim on the column title “Powerless Rankings,” which I had originally envisioned for this column.

I’ll acknowledge that it’s not easy being a Seattle sports fan, but I will also help shed a positive light on even the darkest of circumstances — or I’ll just do my best to make fun of people.

Without further adieu, here are my rankings of the most hapless of situations for our teams, along with some thoughts to help you avoid an early bout of seasonal Seattle sports depression. Let’s just hope there won’t be a need for volume two.

1. Thunder basketball

It’s often said that denial is the first stage of grief, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. What if I’m still hung up on denial? Seattle’s longest tenured sports franchise is gone, and as if to pour salt on our collective wounds, it was announced last week that the man who dressed up as “Squatch,” the former Sonics mascot, will also relocate to the thriving metropolis that is Oklahoma City. Too bad the name “Outlaws” didn’t stick out there in OKC. Otherwise, they could’ve just signed Ruben Patterson to the veteran’s minimum and had him serve a dual role.

If you’ve been paying attention to the Thunder during this NBA offseason, you’ve probably noticed how busy GM Sam Presti has been. Along with Russell Westbrook — who I think will surprise some people — Presti acquired a slew of young big men on draft night. Then, in a three-way deal with the Bucks and the Cavs, he swung a deal to get Desmond Mason, a guy who can defend and still make the occasional ‘wow’ play, and veteran big man Joe Smith. Out the door went Donyell Marshall, Adrian Griffin, Luke Ridnour and Francisco Elson. I would cry, except for the likelihood that Kevin Durant and Jeff Green will bolt for bigger markets when their rookie contracts are up. And Presti showed that he was in fact working for the franchise that used to be called the Sonics by re-inking (not the tattoos) center Robert Swift.

2. Storm basketball

It’s hard to justify how the Storm could have walked onto the hardwood at Key Arena last Tuesday as anything but Seattle’s last hope. Despite the loss of Lauren Jackson, the Storm still had Sue Bird, who had been playing out of her mind, and a slew of WNBA legends on which to lean on for a title run. Plus, they were coming off a big win in game two of the series against the Sparks. Too bad L.A. had Candace Parker and Lisa Leslie on their squad; the Storm’s fate this year was the same as it had been for three years prior — one round and done.

3. Husky football

Already four weeks into the schedule and the Huskies are without wins. The team has yet to record a sack and Oklahoma ran over the Huskies more fervently than Britney Spears on a treadmill in the days leading up to the VMAs. A lot could be learned from the first three games, but none of it is a surprise — Washington is not an elite football team.

In fact, Washington is probably not a very good team, but it’s hard to gauge much early on considering the Dawgs have only faced a gauntlet of top teams. Against Stanford and everyone not named USC, we’ll learn the true character of this team and whether Washington is halfway decent or not. We’ll also learn whether or not Scott Woodward is halfway serious about his stance on not making personnel changes midyear. Sorry to end on a sour note, but optimism here is hard to come by.

4. Seahawks/Mariners

I put these two in the same line not because I’m too lazy to write about both separately, but because I’m having a tough time finding any positives about either.

During any other year, I’d also probably put the Mariners much higher on the list, but this long, uncompetitive season has really bummed me out. The only consolation in rooting for a team that is the first in MLB history to join the $100 million payroll/100-loss club is that at least they’re not in the $200 million/no playoffs club. In looking toward next year, nothing really inspires optimism.

Mariners officials have already said they won’t pursue any big-time free agents, presumably in fear of not overpaying the next Richie Sexson or Carlos Silva. But does any young player outside of Brandon Morrow excite anyone? One can only hope the Mariners continue to free-fall for the next week or so, because pitcher Stephen Strasburg, the MLB draft’s likely No. 1 overall selection, is on the line.

As for you diehard Seahawks fans, prepare for even more gloom and a 1-3 record. There’s no way the Seahawks win Sunday against the defending champs in the Meadowlands. Not even with Plaxico Burress out. Not even with a newly-discoverd run game. Not with the Hawks playing on the road. Not if Jay Feely was still a Giant. Not ever.

On second thought, see you for round two.

Reach columnist Maks Goldenshteyn at sports@dailyuw.com.