Are you a hard worker? Do you take direction well? Do you have two functional hands? Then a job as a Seahawks receiver may be in your future.

After losing Deon Branch, Nate Burleson, Bobby Engram, Ben Obomanu and Logan Payne to injury, the Seahawks are in desperate need of a good receiver. Scratch that — the Seahawks are in desperate need of any receiver. And that receiver could be you.

Just pass our short tryout and you could be a Seahawks receiver. Haven’t played football since high school? No problem. Just be ready when another receiver goes down with an injury.

Michael Bumpus was ready. He waited his turn on the practice squad after being cut in the preseason, and now, he’s the second string receiver with four catches for 38 yards and one touchdown this season.

Wait, there’s more. As a Seahawks receiver you will travel to exotic places like San Francisco, Calif., St. Louis, Mo. and Glendale, Ariz. On top of all this, the job of a Seahawks receiver will put you in close contact with some of the biggest names in football.

And, with any luck, you may become part of a winning team. Last year, the Seahawks won the NFC west with Shaun Alexander as the starting running back, and thus the Hawks running game was at the mercy of his never-healing fractured toe and his never-present will to break tackles. This year the Seahawks acquired Julius Jones and T.J. Duckett and the running attack has improved dramatically. In last Sunday’s game against the Rams, Jones ran for 140 yards and one touchdown, while Duckett ran for 79 yards and two touchdowns. They both ran tough, running through tackles and pushing piles.

The Hawks’ defense has gotten better as well. While it still has a problem with giving up big third-down conversions, the defense is stopping more runners and putting more pressure on the opposing quarterback. In the previous three games the Seahawks defense has combined for 10 sacks and has allowed only 88 rushing yards per game.

Ultimately, the Seahawks organization needs your help. Despite our big win over St. Louis last Sunday, we are off to a 1-2 start after losing to the Buffalo Bills in regulation and San Francisco 49ers in overtime.

Apply today. No experience necessary. We will provide uniforms, food, training and as much Bengay as we can find.

Call us at 1-800-CATCH-IT.

Or e-mail us at: weneedrecieversreallyreallybadly@Ihopetheseahawkswinthewest.com.

*Warning 1: Becoming a Seahawks receiver may be detrimental to your health. The Seahawks organization is not responsible for any torn ACLs, broken shoulders or torn MCLs that you might incur on the job.

*Warning 2: We, the Seahawks organization, apologize in advance for firing you when our real receivers recover.

Reach columnist Zach Ruby at

sports@dailyuw.com.