Spring has sprung, and our campus is transforming in a myriad of ways. The cherry blossoms on the Quad lawn are a spectacular sight, but the real wonder lies in the rapidly blossoming females of UW. I don’t know what switch is flipped and who flips it, but once it’s turned on, there are magical fillies prancing about everywhere.

Do all girls get a collective memo in mid-April that tells them to dress for attention? I’m getting whiplash from double takes. Every time I walk past a flock of preening beauties that have just shed their winter coats, I pull a neck muscle. Do you know what you are doing to us, girls? Your unleashed skin, gallant strutting and clever makeup is causing more distraction than LaRouche at the UW. However, being sidetracked by a woman with glistening hair is better than reading an angry leaflet.

The squirrels have caught the pheromone bug as well. They can be seen on every lawn and park, chasing one another with burning loins. Any bush, branch or bench will suffice for a quick rendezvous. In that way, squirrels are like Parisians: They possess little shame about public intimacy. I wonder if the squirrel population has been reading discarded copies of The Stranger’s Casual Encounters section.

I contend that guys aren’t that different than squirrels. Every spring, it’s like adolescence; all of a sudden we notice that girls exist and we feel super awkward about it. We chase, we hide and we furtively make plans to attract them. It’s partially the faint scent of flowers everywhere, and partially the sun, but it feels like our campus is bathed in pheromones. Short of donning a gas mask and diving for the nearest trench, there’s not much we guys can do to escape the hormones that spring has bombarded our campus with.

So, like our furry friends, we chase. Our day-to-day food gathering and studying has been interrupted by mating season. Girls, you owe us one. We didn’t complain all throughout winter when your glory was covered up by sweats, long jackets and Uggs. Now, we can see your ankles and shoulders — if not more — and it’s hard to focus in class, let alone talk to you. Throw us a bone, and forgive us if we stutter.

However, don’t stand for us ogling you. You have a right to fair treatment, without creeps gazing at your curves. Do your part and don’t throw breasts, legs and thighs at us like we’re KFC party buckets. It’s confusing and sends mixed messages. If you aren’t intending to be eyed like a piece of meat, show some modesty and pick one asset to display instead of as many as you can. We’re trying to learn here.

I say all this because it is difficult to be a male in this culture and appreciate females for more than their bodies. Let me explain. Almost every media outlet is trying to sell us something using female body parts. Magazine covers and commercials bombard us with cleavage until we are desensitized and cheapen our innate appreciation of female beauty. The cleavage-laden covers of women’s magazines certainly don’t help either. The Internet, which offers carnal jollies with a few mouse clicks, has done much to objectify women.

Guys don’t need much help from you visually. Most of the work is done for us by beer advertisements and racy movies marketed to college students. When a girl has enough self-admiration to keep herself reasonably well covered, it speaks volumes to men who are used to no effort when it comes to visual gratification. We actually have to treat you like you have a personality and deserve respect. Demand respect from us. But the more you show us, the more our thinking shifts to the smaller of our two heads. It is a sad truth, but men don’t have a lot of natural discernment.

Am I advocating that everyone walk around in homespun gowns or burqas? No. Each person’s standards of what is respectful and appropriate are different. Plus, it’s getting warmer out, and you can’t be expected to remain in sweaters for the rest of the summer. Just know that our judgment is obscured when we see abundant skin.

Spring is filled with gorgeous sights: blossoms in the Quad, melting snow on the Cascades, girls basking in sunlight and unicorns leaping through the arboretum. It’s an opportunity to meet a lot of new people, since everyone is in good humor. But meet the people, not their bodies, and spring will be even more meaningful.

[Reach reporter Jackson Rohrbaugh at opinion@thedaily.washington.edu.]