By
John McLellan
April 3, 2008
Despite having been open with my closest friends, I recently came out to my family. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. Stories of rejection, disapproval and disownment plagued me. I did not know how the news would be taken.
Going through the process and the accompanying extreme anxiety got me thinking. It would seem that for a typical religious convert, when rejected or disowned, their new religious community extends support to them. This alleviates the pain somewhat by providing comfort and understanding, but most importantly it affirms that their decision to convert was right and good.
This is not the case for atheism. We have no churches, and our population is low enough that communities are small and disjointed. There is no immediate support for an atheist spurned by family in a society in which the majority cannot understand a lack of a deity.
Is this the fault of atheists as a minority group, that we are not outspoken and community-driven enough? I don’t think so. It may be as simple as trying to alleviate pain and suffering in a society dominated by the belief in a higher power. Following World War Two, third and fourth generations of Korean immigrants in Japan were often faced with the choice of maintaining cultural solidarity or “passing” as Japanese. This was a question of morality and pragmatics: pass to make life easier or maintain their identity despite persecution?
In the United States, atheists are passing, riding the security of identifying through agnosticism, espousing phrases to appease their religious contacts saying, “I’m agnostic, I believe there may be a God but I haven’t found it.” This gives the impression that religion is waiting to snatch them up and bring them to the light. Having been in this situation, I know that these phrases were never about what I believed, but about avoiding the persecution and attention that accompanies godlessness.
I was received neither negatively nor positively, just with a question or two and a look of bewilderment. Knowing others are not nearly so fortunate, and speaking as one who has made the commitment to bear persecution for my lack of beliefs, I can only hope that some day out of the increasing number of atheists in the United States communities as strong and open as their religious counterparts will arise. I hope that these communities are not a product of the determination of atheists, but as a natural response to the alleviation of persecution and subsequent openness of expression that they will have.
13 Comments
#1 Bruce in Orlando
on April 3, 2008 at 4:32 a.m.(Orlando, FL | Unverified Name)
In college I did not join the campus atheist group due to the mistaken belief there would be nothing to talk about beyond the initial statement of disbelief. That was a niave position I've regretted for 20 years.
Churchies get together for the pretext of listening to the cleric but they are really there for the contact and community with relatively like-minded people. You think folks are discussing doctrine at the covered dish suppers?
If you can't at least try a local group, join an internet chat group and see what it is like to talk to others who don't have a supernatural outlook. It feels wonderful to connect with others.
#2 Keith
on April 3, 2008 at 10:12 a.m.(Austin, TX | Unverified Name)
Also visit and take the blasphemy challenge on youtube. It will comfort you!
#3 Stephen Wood
on April 3, 2008 at 10:26 a.m.(Seattle, WA | Unverified Name)
While I do not share your your religious (dis)beliefs, I can, as someone standing on the other side, applaud your decision to... well, make a decision. Many people choose to the middle ground of spirituality out of sheer cowardice to decide for themselves whether what they believe is true or not. Some people, when presented the question in friendly conversation, respond in a manner similar to Navy sailors being asked if their boat holds nuclear weapons, "I can neither confirm nor deny the presence of God or gods which may or may not exist." Such belief is akin to choosing immobility as a form of transportation, as Douglas Jacoby once said.
I wish more people would make your decision instead of playing a game of make-believe dress-up with a belief system that others hold very dearly. Last I checked, some 76% of Americans identify themselves as "Christians", but one does not even have to peak into people's private lives or know anything about the Bible to laugh at the lunacy of that figure.
And as Bruce pointed out, fellowship is important. I get together with people in my church after service to discuss the sermon, talk about life, and confess my sin. The first two subjects are usually just a segue way into the third. I am not sure what you would confess as an Atheist, but it is always good to be around people who can encourage you in this often times discouraging world.
Good luck, John.
#4 k
on April 3, 2008 at 11:16 a.m.(UW Campus | Unverified Name)
As a fellow athiest I often think about how our minority group has no cohession. But then again, it is the cohession and ritualism of the church system I was brought up in that made me reconsider my thoughts on God and become an athiest. So to me its a double edged sword. However, I have found comfort and understanding in friends, both athiests and religious, who know that my opinion comes from a personal understanding that can not be converted.
#5 Kim@Religiarchy
on April 3, 2008 at 2:10 p.m.(Chicago Heights, IL | Unverified Name)
Great article. I had a very similar experience. All the best to you.
Kim
http://www.religiarchy.com
#6 Alex Taylor
on April 4, 2008 at 1:08 p.m.(Albuquerque, NM | Unverified Name)
I agree with Bruce.
Atheist clubs differ. Some are more active politically, some talk about religion, some barely discuss religion at all. The one I am in now, we speak of religion 10% of the time and the rest we just hang out, eat pizza, and talk about we feel like.
Join your local atheist club, or see if there is one at your local university. Use the internet. Atheist make up at least 10% of the population in the US, which equals to millions people. Unless you live in a truly remote area, atheists friends and support are out there, you just have to find them.
#7 Brother Richard
on April 4, 2008 at 4:16 p.m.(Loganville, GA | Unverified Name)
John,
As one of the first proponents of "Coming Out" of the atheist closet, I applaud your decision. I know from personal experience (I used to be a minister), that it is very difficult--and very necessary. I hope your article will encourage others to do the same.
You are so right about there not being a support community. I know there are several individuals and families who attend church simply for the benefits provided.
Many of the atheist clubs provide for intellectual needs, but do nothing for emotional support. My wife and I feel that this is our new “calling.” We are working on this in the Atlanta area and hope to expand it from there. We believe that it is possible to herd cats without the dogma.
Again, thanks for your honesty and I hope others will be strengthened by your efforts.
Richard
http://lifewithoutfaith.com
#8 Michelle
on April 5, 2008 at 10:46 a.m.(Los Angeles, CA | Unverified Name)
I support you John! However I have not yet had the courage to speak frankly about this with my parents. The last time I was home I was cleaning out my room with my mom and we came across a box of books that included my bible and catechism. I said I didn't need them. She asked "Do you still believe in God?" I asked "which one? there are thousands you know" then I shrugged and changed the subject. I think this very much worries my mother. We haven't spoken about it since.
#9 rey
on April 7, 2008 at 10:21 a.m.(Toronto, Canada | Unverified Name)
I don't know if I can be classified as an atheist. But I am definitely anti-religion - any and all kinds of religion (spiritual or not).
It is a source of faith (irrational belief) and prejudice which cause all kinds of world problems.
The danger of atheist clubs/groups/organizations is that it may turn into a religion in itself...
#10 Dan
on April 7, 2008 at 5:28 p.m.(UW Campus | Unverified Name)
Congrats on declaring your atheism to the world and in the Daily, which seems overly focused on religion for a college paper recently. Honestly, in my friend group, it's the norm to be atheist and the most supported point of view. If you hang around liberal college-educated folks, you'll find a much higher percentage of atheists than in the general public. I'm always surprised when I meet someone who seems otherwise smart that still buys into a 2000 year old god myth. It kind of annoys my Catholic parents that 3 out of 4 of their kids are atheist, but I tell them it's their fault for raising us to think for ourselves and helping send us to college where we became smart enough to see through the lies.
#11 XaurreauX
on April 11, 2008 at 8:41 a.m.(Baltimore, MD | Unverified Name)
I owuld recommend contacting Secular Student Alliance: http://www.secularstudents.org/
#12 İRFAN GÜNGÖR
on January 30, 2009 at 6:33 a.m.(Istanbul, Turkey | Unverified Name)
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mr_irfan_gungor@hotmail.com
#13 Dean Smith
on February 4, 2009 at 9:06 a.m.(Columbia, SC | Unverified Name)
Search atheist, humanist, or freethinker at Meetup.Com. It's one way of finding social support in your area. I organize one in Columbia, SC (Godless Columbia) and it took some time but it has become a vibrant and active group. We have something going on every week, and we're there especially for people who are transitioning from relgion.
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