At first I was confused, then mad, then just annoyed.

A close friend sent me an angry e-mail, and I was tempted to reply in the same irate manner.

Most angry e-mails should never be sent, mainly because if it’s worth discussing, it should be in person or at least over the phone.

In this incident, I had just spent an hour pacing in Red Square with a Tully’s coffee cup leaking all over my hand as we talked through the issue on the phone.

Then I opened the e-mail after the fact. Needless to say, I was hurt, and my friend felt pretty bad.

The angry e-mail was definitely out of his normal character, but it’s a good example of how the impersonal aspect of e-mail can tempt people into irresponsible actions.

So next time the co-worker with the thick makeup and muffin top won’t shut up about how she hates bikers (if you happen to be a marathon rider) take into consideration a few tips of advice.

If you’re angry, don’t start writing. If you have to vent, buy a journal and let your pen go. After rereading it, you’ll probably find it wasn’t worth fighting about.

If you disregarded my first tip and find yourself writing an angry e-mail, finish it but send it to yourself. Then open it the next day. If you feel like a jerk, it’s probably because you’re being one. It’s easy for big problems to escalate from nothing.

When you actually talk through the problem, make sure to never use “always.” Don’t say, “You always poke at my eye, and it pisses me off,” but try a more passive, “When you poke at my eye, it makes me feel angry.”

Don’t send personal or gossipy e-mails. With my friend, usually there is the bite-you-in-the-butt syndrome. It’s likely the receiver of the gossipy e-mail will send it to a handful of trusty friends, who are as reliable as sunshine in March.

When you must send e-mails about touchy subjects, work with your words. Reread it like you have the short-term memory of a goldfish.

Finally, if you must respond to something that angers you, write the e-mail with the intention of resolving the situation, not for the self-gratification of putting someone in his or her place. If you’re humble about it, the resulting e-mail probably won’t be angry.