WSU’s futility can be summed up in a single joke.

“What do students from UW have in common with students from WSU?” sophomore Mike Ong, an ex-roommate of mine, asks.

“I don’t know. What?” I reply.

“They both applied to UW,” he explains with a grin.

Washington State University.

Can a Husky help but smirk when uttering these words?

Going to the UW, we have a natural rivalry with the institution — a feud that is oftentimes left unquestioned. I think it’s about time we remind ourselves exactly why the relationship is strained.

“The Cougars suck because they get confused on fields that aren’t used for growing wheat,” my old lab partner Gordon Fan says.

Indeed, WSU football fans don’t have much to brag about. Through the entire history of their program, the Cougars have won a pathetic total of four conference championships and have mustered a lowly .486 winning percentage.

The Cougars’ national trophy case is one to be admired, though. Empty since its construction, the unit is surprisingly dust-free.

The Washington football program, on the other hand, has given its students good reason to hold their heads high. Husky football has garnered a massive 15 Pac-10 titles and boasts a terrific .607 winning percentage. The success has led to the Huskies participating in 30 bowl games — exactly three times the number the Cougars have participated in.

“The Cougars suck because they have no other choice,” my current roommate, Jordan Reichelt said. “They have nothing to do in Pullman!”

Poor Cougars. Honestly, it must be maddening when attempting to see a movie on a Friday night. The campus of nearly 18,000 students contains just a single movie theatre in the immediate area. The next closest option is to drive to Moscow, Idaho.

Huskies, though, are blessed with an overabundance of riches. Seattle is home to countless opportunities — boating, galleries, tourist attractions and professional sporting events to name a few — which the city of Pullman will never have.

When it comes down to it, this rivalry is a really just a one-sided battle. Cougars, blinded by their jealousy of the success and the simple beauty and awesomeness of the University of Washington, are willing to do or say anything in an attempt to bring Huskies down to their own morbidly depressed state.

“That’s fine with me,” my girlfriend Sydney Salts says. “At least it gives them something to look forward to other than a passing tumbleweed.”

Reach columnist Ben Foutz at sports@dailyuw.com.