Bar food has never been considered a cuisine to be desired — indeed, most dishes are designed solely as gut-busting sponges for alcohol. Fortunately, some of the better bars understand this necessity and elevate the standard fare with an eye for flair and irony.

King’s Hardware, located in the heart of bar-laden Ballard and occupying a space of a previous hardware store of the same moniker, is such a locale. Proclaiming brazenly, “You Can’t Beat Our Meat!” King’s is a kind of hipster throw-back hunting lodge.

The walls are crammed with random antique logging tools and bric-a-brac, dated “Wild West” paintings and an assortment of taxidermied woodland creatures — perhaps the stuffed, full body of a bobcat is the highlight, or maybe the multiple preserved seagulls on the patio, the patron will have to decide. Catering to a young, scruffy and frugal clientele, cans of Rainer are nearly ever-present.

On a warm Thursday night, Happy Hour at King’s is at near-capacity for tight jeans and shadows that push far past five o’clock. The savvy, ruthless patron, however, can maneuver a sunny patio table from large groups of young males, which inevitably end up at King’s adorably retro attraction: 25-cent Skeeball.

A word of caution: Service at King’s is frequently atrocious, and the addition of food to a tab can add hours to one’s stay. However, on an evening free of time constraints and with the help of a pitcher or two, King’s food can be worth the wait.

The Five-Alarm Burger ($9) is delightfully rich and spicy. Laden with a creamy chipotle sauce, poblano peppers, jalapeno-jack cheese and a substantial portion of free-range organic beef, the burger tastes like the monstrosity you’ve always dreamed of creating by combining the fare from several fast food establishments at 3 a.m. on a Sunday morning.

Much subtler, but nonetheless satisfying, is the County Fair Burger ($8.50). Simply combining grilled onions and melted cheese over meat, the burger seems boring in comparison to the Five-Alarm’s decadence. Purists, however, will appreciate the delicately spiced onions and juicy patty.

Each of King’s burgers is accompanied by the choice of regular or sweet potato fries. Go with the sweet potato, which provide a sweeter and lighter twist on a classic pairing.

King’s bar food motherload, however, comes in its onion rings ($4.50). Perfectly fried, spiced and served with a side of ranch (you don’t even have to ask), the warm, greasy rings complement a cold pale ale to a tee. Heck, order two plates — after a few ranch-covered bites, no one will want to share.

Never a healthy or light affair, bar food can drag you down, and King’s is no exception. Burn off those onion rings slowly but surely, with frequent trips to the eccentric, indie jukebox — right under the majestic head of a stag.