Dear fun-loving student,

You need to stop relaxing. I'm really starting to get anxious over here, and I don't know how much longer I can take it. It's gotten so bad that I've been left to sit on the couch and watch reruns of CSI: Miami.

And to be honest, I'm getting really sick of David Caruso.

For years I have been there at the most crucial moments. The night before a test, the warm up before the big game, that time you took What's-Her-Face to prom. I was always waiting to be called off the bench and thrown into the game.

But now it's as if I got kicked off the team. You've stopped me from so many hours of work that I've had to get a second job working retail. You just can't seem to worry anymore about every little detail of your life. From what you're going to wear the next day, to whether or not What's Her Face had fun at the dance, you no longer hunch forward and freak out about every waking moment.

First off, let me assure you that most of the stuff you do in your boring life will come back to haunt you in the future. The food you eat, the clothes you wear, how many Facebook friends you have — all of these things are important in the big scheme. Twenty years from now, you will remember 90 percent of the people you've met throughout your academic career, and more importantly, you'll care about what they thought of you.

Now I know that this society you're living in loves to make you believe that what's on the outside counts. But that's just a big scheme to get you to buy all those ridiculous clothes kids wear these days. What really matters is how much money you have. You can be the ugliest person in the world, but as long as you have tons of money, you can get any supermodel to fall in love with your wealth, and possibly yourself if you're lucky. Let's face it, if you aren't rich and famous, you really can't have a memorable life.

And right now you're a poor college kid, so you should feel as though you've missed out on a lot. And you have.

It doesn't help that you're not keeping up with the news. What good is that doing you? You're living in a fantasy world, completely oblivious to the death and destruction that is happening 24 hours a day, seven days a week. How are you supposed to worry about E. coli and salmonella outbreaks if you never know they're occurring in the first place? Remember, that spinach you eat today could come back and get you tomorrow.

Might I remind you that you're single? Here you are living the "best years of your life," and you can't even fall in love. How do you expect to get married and have a family? I guarantee you that there's no way you will ever be happy if you can't commit yourself to someone and live with them for the rest of your life.

You're not getting any younger, either. You just turned 20, which is halfway to 40. You're halfway to being over the hill. And what have you accomplished? All the greats like Mozart, Bobby Fischer and LeBron James reached their potential way before they left their teenage years.

You've got some catching up to do.

And in case you haven't noticed, you're going to graduate very, very soon. Whether it's in one quarter or three years, in a short time you will be flung into the ruthless arena of the real world.

As you can see, this is a monumental time in your life. The decisions you make today will follow you for eternity. So I would appreciate it if you obsessed over it a little more, rather than just sitting back and letting the good times roll.

You know, I didn't want to bring this up, but you've given me no other choice.

You're also going to die someday. Think about it.

I'm getting a headache just trying to get you worked up. I need to go get myself an Advil or something. I'll catch up to you later. Trust me.

Reach columnist Eric Uthus at opinion@thedaily.washington.edu.