Oh, celebrities. What would we do without them? Politicians certainly aren't flashy enough to be a substitute (and no one wants to see Condi go commando), and while some businessmen (read: Donald Trump) attempt celebrity status, their blunders just don't have enough visual pizzazz to grace the front of US Weekly. From the news that made us say, "ahh!," "ugh!" and "argh!," the following is a roundup of the most notorious.

the good

* Katie Couric scored one of the year's biggest victories for Team Double X and joined CBS as the first woman anchor of the evening news. Sure, her smile borders on saccharine, and she may not have the "gravitas" of Brian Williams, but unlike Williams, at least we know she isn't a robot.

* Pamela Anderson's divorce from Kid Rock after fewer than six months. Rock was reportedly incensed by Anderson's decision to participate in the Borat movie. Come on man, can't you take a joke? Like your career?

* Britney Spears wakes up from a coma and divorces Kevin Federline (aka K-Fed). Child Protective Services can now breathe a sigh of relief — at least they only have to watch one Spears at a time now.

* TomKat finally got married. It was big. It was in Italy. It was Scientology-approved. Their alien daughter is finally legitimate. Now after all the couch-jumping, creepy smiling and secrecy, we can all move on.

the bad

* Mel Gibson. Mad Mel had quite a year in 2000, falling off the wagon and promptly sparking an international controversy by spewing anti-Semitic rants at officers, while being arrested for a DUI. Gibson dug himself even further into the proverbial hole by smirking during an explanatory interview with Diane Sawyer saying, "Oh it was tequila talking — good one." I'm guessing its Gibson's publicist who needs the tequila now.

* Lindsey Lohan. She fought with everyone. She danced on tables. She went to AA. She OD'ed. She said in an interview, "Sex and the City changed everything for me. Those girls would have sex with anyone." Come on people! Someone needs to pen this girl up. She's not even 21 and already she sounds more like a guest on Maury than on the big screen.

* Spears shacks up with the empress of infamy: Paris Hilton. Some women turn to chocolate after an ugly break up, while others turn to Long Island iced teas. Unfortunately, Britney turned to some of the trashiest low-cut dresses she could find and a "friend" that may have less personality than her own Chihuahua.

the ugly

* Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice). Frankly, we've all forgotten why Beckham continues to grace our attention, save for the effect of seemingly being suctioned from the inside. Perhaps having a waist the diameter of one of her husband's soccer balls proves she's actually a miracle of science.

* Pamela Anderson's marriage to Kid Rock. Nothing ruins a "classy" wedding on the beach like Anderson's beach ball Double D's hanging out of a white bikini and Rock's hideous tattoos hanging off of his white trash body.

* Celebrity junk. If 2005 was the year of "wardrobe malfunctions," 2006 was the year of "panty malfunctions." Victoria's Secret stock must have plummeted with all the celebrities who left their skivvies at home. From Spears to Lohan to Hilton, college-aged males were blessed with a few more reasons to say, "Just a second, babe, I'm — uh — doing some online research."

— Maureen Trantham

maureentrantham@thedaily.washington.edu