For some reason it always happens the same way. I'm over at some girl's place, just sitting around and minding my own business, when I see it in the corner of my eye. It sits there, boldly staring back at me, its bright colors and huge text teasing. Oh, how it teases me.

... 4 Facts Men Wish Their Girlfriends Knew...

... 62 Sex Moves...

...8 New Places to Have Sex...

I try to look away; I even close my eyes and start to count backwards from ten. But no matter what I do, I always end up walking over and picking it up.

This is how Cosmopolitan reels you in.

I don't know what it is about this magazine that makes me want to flip through it, although I'd guess it has something to do with always-attractive female celebrity that is plastered across the cover. Furthermore, I'm apparently not the only guy who does it, because they have a whole section entitled "Cosmo for your Guy". I guess a lot of guys really want to know the 14 Sex Moves You've Never Heard Of.

But for some reason I end up reading more than just the "For your Guy" section. Usually I move on to the "Sex & Love" section, maybe take a little dip in the cover stories, and I always finish up by checking out the monthly horoscope, because you know...they always come true.

The people behind this magazine must all have doctorates in sex or something, because I find a lot of the information they share to be extremely enlightening. For instance, let's delve into an article from their January 2007 issue titled "Acing the Morning After" by Jennifer Benjamin. She offers us men the following tips in order to get rid of the awkwardness that generally follows a night of sweet lovemaking.

Don't get out of bed the second you wake up, treat her to a massage or something, don't promise to "call her sometime", and kiss her goodbye.

Wait...you mean you're NOT supposed to ignore her the next day?!

I would honestly hope that I'm not the only one completely astounded by these statements. I guess watching so many beer and truck commercials has completely mystified my perceptions of women as being solely objects rather than human beings.

For instance, after rummaging through their website database I found an article in last month's issue titled, "Go the Extra Mile for Her," which offered four tips on how us men could go beyond what is necessary (does this actually happen?) to ensure we are true gentlemen.

I decided to use the knowledge that I have acquired over the years from my own sources (Maxim, Sports Illustrated, Victoria Secret's Catalogue) to guess what the tips were. Here were my guesses:

First ask her if she's done with her meal before eating it yourself, assure her that this wasn't the worst date you've ever had, go 50-50 on the bill, and most importantly, offer her change to ride the bus home.

Well, I wasn't quite on target, but that means I learned that much more.

It's amazing too that in every issue they have new and innovative information about sex and dating. It's a miracle that this magazine has been in publication for years, and yet they never seem to recycle any article or reword the same information over and over again.

But before you go off and snag yourself the newest issue, let me give you a couple warnings.

First off, knowing how to be the perfect gentleman is a lot harder than actually being the perfect gentleman. For instance, although Cosmo tells me in its article, "Make Together Time Count," that I should put down the video games and spend more time with the ladies, they never explained how hard it would be to pause a game of Halo and ask her how her day went.

I honestly don't think I've ever sweated more in my life.

Secondly, and most importantly, as easy as it would be to just buy every issue and read to your heart's content, it's neither as informative nor rewarding as trying things out yourself. These magazines that offer tips and advice are merely taking the fun out of relationships.

And by fun, I mean that constant feeling of failure in bed and never knowing whether or not your next action will make her happy, or instead throw her into a frenzy so frightening it could turn her into the second demon from Hell.

Reach columnist Eric Uthus at opinion@thedaily.washington.edu.